I get asked certain questions on a regular basis.  One of the most frequent is “What does a job description for a small group director (or pastor) look like?  Today I want to give you the basics, but I want to be sure and qualify it by acknowledging that this is by no means complete and I’m sure some of my grouplife peers would have a different take.

But here are the four things that I think ought to be on the job description for a small group director:

Create and oversee a leader development concept that helps “test-drive” hosts become leaders over time.  This will include:

• Communication strategies
• On-site, decentralized and web-based leader development opportunities
• Coaching

Recruit and develop a team of coaches sufficient to care for the number of leaders in the organization.

Work with the senior pastor and other staff to develop the church-wide strategies surrounding grouplife.  This includes:

• Annual church-wide campaigns
• Connection events
• Mid-size events forming steps that lead to grouplife

Design, implement and manage strategies that make it easy to join a group.  This includes:

• Website content and groupfinder capability
• Periodic church-wide emails with easy-to-use click-to-join opportunities
• A lobby presence designed to make it easy to get information

Note: Depending on the size of your church, some of these responsibilities might be delegated to other members of a Small Group ministry team.  Additionally, depending on the experience and expertise of the small group pastor, a strategic outsider can sometimes provide the perfect complement to an energetic but less experienced staff member.

One of my most common roles as a consultant is to provide the strategic elements while coaching a staff member in day-to-day responsibilities.  You can find out more about my consulting and coaching programs right here.

Want do you think?  Have a question?  Want to argue?  You can click here to jump into the conversation.

When you think about your small group ministry…what’s the biggest problem you face?  Can you say it out loud?  Is it one you’d be willing to share?

I’d love to see if it’s one I can help with!

Want to share?  You can click here to jump into the conversation.

Where do you stand on the whole birthing issue?  Are you pro-birthing?  Neutral?  Apathetic?  Or, maybe you’ve moved on, putting your eggs in the basket of other, more effective strategies?

I recently got a great comment on an earlier post (I See Dead Groups) that really begged for a thoughtful response, but as I began to answer…it was just clear that it deserved a full post.

The basic idea of I See Dead Groups was that (1) most small groups have a life-span of 18 to 24 months, (2) the key vital sign is life-change, (3) groups can be dead (no life-change) and not know it, and (4) it’s really in the best interest of the group for us to have an awareness of the signs of a dead group (I suggest you read the article and come back).

Here’s the readers reaction:

I appreciate the article and definitely get group lifespan, but I would personally like to think of things in more positive terms than the “dead” group analogy.  Maybe I would take a seemingly life-less group through those assessment questions but then add in the vision of multiplying–producing new life.  The gist from the article that I get is that a group would end and that is that.  Seems a bit short-changed.  I’d rather cast a vision about a group multiplying out and forming new groups.  So I guess instead of seeing a “dead” group, I may see a “time-to-multiply” group.

Let me say first that I love that optimism!  And, of course, you could certainly put a more positive spin on the terminology.

I’d have several reactions to the comment:

First, there is an upside to emphasizing a kingdom-minded approach that prioritizes the needs of others.  So…is it healthy to cast the vision?  Probably.  After all, everyone ought to be looking out for more than their own interests (Philippians 2:3-4).

Second, the key for me in regards to the viability of birthing as a group multiplication strategy is what I call the “how’s it workin’ so far?” test.  There’s nothing wrong with the vision that good groups grow and birth (one of the Top 10 Axiomatic Beliefs of GroupLife).  The vision is not the problem.  The problem is that birthing rarely happens.  Nowhere is the great Winston Churchill line more telling:

“However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.”

Third, I realize that the emphasis on diagnosing the vital signs of existing groups (to be on the lookout for dead groups) may give the impression that I’m favor of group euthanasia.  Really not the case.  Instead, I’m in favor of a very proactive and intentional attention to the development of healthy groups that are about authentic life-change.

Finally, it’s important for me to point out that many small group ministry practitioners are finding that it’s much easier to start new groups than it is to get existing groups to multiply.  If more groups and more people connected is the goal there are at least three much easier ways to launch new groups.

What do you think?  Got a question?  Want to argue?  You can click here to jump into the conversation.

What’s the best way for people to sign up and commit to a group?

It’s a frequently asked question.  It’s a fair question.  It’s almost always the wrong question.

How can it be the wrong question?  Well…maybe it’s just the way it’s worded and the underlying meaning of the words, “sign up.”  Here’s what I mean.

In most cases, taking sign-ups implies an opportunity for unconnected people to fill out a form and turn it in.  There are three basic instances when a form is turned in:

Sign up to be placed in a group: It is almost always a bad idea to allow people to to turn in a form to be placed in a group.  I know this isn’t a universally held opinion, but in my experience taking on a matchmaking role is almost always counterproductive.  First of all, once the form is filled out motivation changes.  Second, the follow up phone call frequently connects the matchmaker with the spouse who did not fill out the form.

Sign up to attend an event where they will have an opportunity to connect (i.e., a Saddleback style small group connection or a North Point style grouplink event).  A much better option, the form serves the purpose of expressing commitment to attend the event.  Upside: the event itself does the work of connection.  Downside: only those who attend the event get connected.

Sign up to HOST a group: Different than signing up to join a group, this form is used to take commitments to host a group.  Hosts are encouraged to fill their own group.  Upside: this strategy connects the friends, neighbors, family members and co-workers of the host.  Downside: requires a joining opportunity for those who aren’t invited.  This can be done a variety of ways that avoid turning in a form promising placement (matchmaking):

1. An online solution like ChurchTeams is both easy to employ and reasonable priced, allowing unconnected people to find a group without going through a middle man.  In addition, an online solution allows an all-church email to be sent with a link to the small group finder.
2. A printed list of groups can be made available at the small groups table in the lobby.  The list of groups can be distributed.  Alternatively, potential members can commit to an individual group by adding their name and information directly to the group roster (this is different than a form that implies matchmaking).
3. A group fair allows potential members to sign up directly with group leaders.  Each open group can host a table at the fair.

What’s the best way for people to sign up and commit to a group?  As I mentioned earlier, I believe it is the wrong question.  The right question?  What’s the best way to connect the largest number of unconnected people?  I begin answering that question right here.  Be sure you’re signed up to get my updates.  You can do that right here.)

What do you think?  Got a question?  You can click here to jump into the conversation.

“Our small group just doesn’t have the energy it used to.”  Seeming genuinely perplexed, he continued,  ”We’re really not sure what we should do.  We’ve decided to take a break this fall.  But maybe it’s best to just  move on?  It just feels stale.  Any ideas?”

Maybe you’ve had this conversation with a leader.  Maybe you’ve had a group yourself and wondered why it seemed stuck.  Most of us have been there.

Here’s a core assumption for me:

Every small group has a lifespan.  They don’t live forever.  Most groups have a lifespan of 18 to 24 months…max.

How you feelin’?  Want to argue?

Maybe you’re wondering about a group or two that you’ve been part of that seemed to last a lot longer than that?  Stick with me.  There’s something you need to know.

Groups can be dead and just not know it.  They can still meet, still choose curriculum, hang out.  They can do all of that and be dead…and just not know it.

How is this possible?  Read on…

The Sixth Sense and GroupLife:

Let me give you a way to think about this.  The Sixth Sense, written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan tells the story of Cole Sear (Haley Joel Osment), a troubled, isolated boy who “sees dead people,” and an equally troubled child psychologist (Bruce Willis) who tries to help him.

You know the movie, right?  You may not have seen it.  I did.  It was a great movie.  Although several of the scenes still spook me when I think about them, it was a great movie on several levels.

Can’t see the video? Click here to watch the scene.

(Spoiler Alert) Throughout the movie, the psychologist worked hard to help the boy.  He was very understanding.  He seemed to genuinely care about the boy.  And then at the very end of the movie, in one of the greatest plot twists of all time, you suddenly realized that the psychologist was dead the whole time.  The whole time!  The boy could see him and even talk with him.  But he was dead.

How This Relates to the Lifespan of a Group

In the same way that the psychologist seemed alive, some groups seem alive.  The test for the psychologist is clear.  What’s the test for a group?

Some diagnostic questions might help:

• Is the group still an environment where life-change is happening?
• What are the spiritual growth issues being worked on?
• What are the spiritual next steps that are being taken?
• Are there group members whose spiritual vitality is confined by the limits of the group?
• Is it just comfortable?

Obviously, every group is unique.  There are clearly exceptions to the 18 to 24 month guideline.  How will you know which ones are dead?  Can you tell when they’re dying?

I say yes.  There are clear signs.  If you ever watch The Sixth Sense a second time you see all kinds of signs that he’s dead.  It’s amazingly more obvious the second time around.

In the same way, if you begin looking at the groups in your system with an eye for lifespan…you’ll start to notice a lack of certain vital signs.  There are definitely steps you can take to revitalize a group (I loved Rick Howerton’s, 10 Tips for a Small Group Makeover).  There are also times when you’ll see the wisdom of encouraging certain groups to consider taking a small group vacation.

The main takeaway?  Groups have a lifespan.  The objective of grouplife is life-change.  If you’re paying attention, you’ll begin to notice dead groups.  And you’ll have a better idea what to do.

By the way, the post that followed this one, FAQ: Shouldn’t Every Group Have a Vision to Multiply? provoked a conversation that was just as engaged.

What do you think? Agree? Want to argue?  You can click here to jump into the conversation.

“What about a curriculum pathway?” That was the question in a recent email from a reader.  Specifically, the question included an interest in predetermining the curriculum “scope and sequence” for the small groups in their system.

And after interviews with Steve Gladen on Saddeback’s Leadership Pathway and Eddie Mosley on LifePoint’s Discipleship Pathway, you can understand how the idea of a curriculum pathway would seem natural.  You might even see how it would seem to make sense to predetermine the scope of curriculum (that is, to select the list of topics or studies to be completed) and the sequence (that would be the order of the studies completed).  In interpreting the question, I landed on the notion of an educational degree plan (a certain list of required courses, prerequisites and electives).

However, despite seeming natural and like something that makes a lot of sense, it might be harder to pull off and less practical than you’d think at first glance.  Since life-change is the objective and the essence of grouplife has very little to do with education, the notion of a pathway to ensure coverage of certain essentials would seem both impractical and beside the point.

Impractical in part due to the relatively short life-span of most groups.  Yes, there are groups that remain together for several years.  However, they are clearly in the minority.  Even in the case of a closed group system like North Point’s, many groups completely rearrange in 18 to 24 months (and you’ll remember my argument for open groups).

An Alternative to a Curriculum Pathway

So…if a curriculum pathway doesn’t make sense, how can we help group members move in the right direction?  After all, in a very real sense, small group champions and small group leaders are responsible for the spiritual growth of group members (you may not like the term “responsible,” but in the sense that we’re entrusted with members, we’re accountable to steward them wisely).

I think it makes sense to incorporate three ingredients into the development of your own concept:

First, I’d recommend reading Jim Putman’s Real Life Discipleship and Real Life Discipleship Manual.  I think you’ll find a very helpful concept in these two books.  I’m not suggesting you adopt their system, only that their concept will help you develop your own.

Second, this is exactly where a discipleship pathway enters the discussion.  It also provides the background for the development of the Purpose Driven Life Health Assessment and Plan (I describe the use of the Assessment and Plan in Equip Leaders to Help Members Plan to Grow).

Third, I’ve also found that it makes sense to provide a recommended curriculum list.  In fact, without a recommended list you’ll spend a lot of time on discussions and decisions that could nearly be automated.

What do you think?  Does this make sense?  You can click here to jump into the conversation.

In yesterday’s post I began wrestling with a great question from a reader who wanted feedback on establishing a policy that prohibited same sex partners from participating in the same women’s or men’s group (in order to establish a healthy, non-sexual, environment).  Keep in mind that the only coed experience their small group structure provides is for married couples.  They also provide groups for men and groups for women.

My Initial Response

My initial response was to ask, “What is the purpose of these particular groups and groups in general in your small group ministry?  The purpose of the group determines who it is designed for, who would be eligible to attend, and who would be encouraged to find another group.”

The reader responded in part by writing that their mission statement was “To compel the unconvinced to become passionate followers of Christ.”

When I read that, I knew immediately I needed to get the Gateway Church take on the larger issue of building a “come as you are” grouplife culture. I asked Kirby Holmes, the Group Life Pastor at Gateway Church in Austin to provide some insight:

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Kirby: I wrote about this subject recently in a post on my own blog.  I think it will give some insight into how God is using Gateway and our Small Groups to love people without excluding them based on their sin behavior.  We have chosen to be an open community for all to come as you are.  If the church you are responding to wants to fulfill its mission statement of compelling the unconvinced to become passionate followers of Christ, then they can’t be exclusionists in their community spaces.  They must be inclusionists.  The culture they want to create as a church will begin to hang by a noose if they choose exclusionism.  It is for this reason that Gateway does not have a membership process.  You are either a part of the community by showing up and being known or you’re not (We do, however, use a standard of character/behavior for leadership at Gateway as defined by 1 Timothy and Titus).

Mark: Kirby, they’ve stated that the purpose of their LifeGroup Ministry is to “help people grow in relationship with God and with other believers.”  What would a restrictive policy mean in terms of accomplishing that purpose?

Kirby: My question would be, “how can people in special or highlighted sin situations like homosexuality ever participate in community at the church if not in small groups?  If they are unwanted there and excluded then where do they go to have relationship?”

Mark: I know your lead pastor, John Burke, has written about building a culture that is inclusive.  How has this influenced Gateway’s approach?

Kirby: In No Perfect People Allowed, John Burke (Gateway’s lead pastor)  points out that most gay men and women are looking and longing for love and acceptance and that most of them would turn off the part of their life that is attracted to same sex relationships if they found it.  From the outside looking in, we tend to overemphasize the sexuality side of homosexuals and underemphasize that they are holistic people as daughters and sons, employees, hobbyists, creatives, tax payers, business owners, friends, etc.  Describing them only as people with a certain sexual attraction is very limiting to who they actually are as people.  There’s much more to them as a person than just a sex act.  Having a same sex attraction is not a sin.  The sin is in acting on the attraction, in the same way it is a sin when a heterosexual single acts on the attraction.

Mark: I think another important aspect of your culture has to do with dialogue as opposed to debate.

Kirby: It’s far more important to create a culture of dialogue in the church than debate.  If we want to debate homosexuality and use the Bible as our weapon we will lose a whole generation of postmoderns who are longing for a new kind of family (since most of theirs are usually broken).  We must include people in loving relationship and dialogue.

Mark: What kinds of resources has Gateway provided in building a come as you are culture?

Kirby: Our website has a page dedicated to sexuality featuring a Sunday morning message titled, “Same Sex.”  In the message three gay individuals who have been a part of the Gateway community share their stories about how transformation is happening in them.  It is an amazing message of truth and hope for this generation.  You can see the page and watch the message right here.

Mark: Thanks for sharing with us Kirby.  It’s been very helpful to hear about Gateway’s come as you are culture.

What do you think? Are you facing this challenge in your small group ministry? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Recently I had a great question from a reader who wanted some feedback on establishing a policy on a very sensitive matter.  I’ve edited to provide some clarity, but here’s the question:

We discovered that we have some unmarried couples (who live together) in couples’ groups and at least one lesbian couple attending a women’s group.  While we truly believe that small groups are the optimum environment for life change, we don’t want to give the impression that we are condoning these lifestyle choices.

I’d like to establish a guideline that while everyone is welcome in groups, unmarried couples (gay or straight) cannot be in the same Life Group (our structure consists of married couples groups, men’s groups and women’s groups).

If you have advice to share or can direct me to resources dealing with this issue, I would greatly appreciate it.

My Response

My initial response was to ask, “What is the purpose of these particular groups and groups in general in your small group ministry?  The purpose of the group determines who it is designed for, who would be eligible to attend, and who would be encouraged to find another group.”

One pattern for small group ministries is to establish specific groups for married couples (coed), and separate groups for men and women.  It’s probably more common for ministries to also have catch-all groups that are a true mix of couples and singles, men and women, but the pattern chosen by the church in question isn’t unique to that church.

I’ve mentioned many times that there are no problem-free solutions.  Every solution to a ministry issue comes with a set of problems attached.  Wise leaders simply choose the set of problems they’d rather have.

You can see in the reader’s question an interest in establishing a policy that is marital status specific, with an asterisk to cover the possibility of a gay or lesbian marriage (at least, that’s how it will appear).

Here’s my advice:

1. You may want to consider adding a type of group that is more inclusive.  Remember, the well-worn path never leads to a new destination and it may take a new thing to connect people you’re not connecting now.  Groups for couples and singles may provide the kind of first step that allows everyone to feel accepted, loved and cared for as they are while being encouraged to become like Jesus (for more on this, see John Burke’s No Perfect People Allowed).
2. Whether you add a coed type of group or not, you need to develop an FAQ that covers why you offer groups for married couples (marital status) and separate groups for men and women (gender specific).  A clear purpose for each will be a requirement and you’d be wise to test your premise on some very crowd sensitive people.  It’s amazing how reasonable things appear to insiders and how obviously out-of-touch and insensitive they can appear to the very people we hope to reach.
3. In addition to an FAQ, it will be essential to develop a clear, winsome way of promoting the kinds of groups that you offer.  Whether you’re promoting grouplife in a bulletin, on the web, in a newsletter or verbally, you’ll need to use language that clearly defines the purpose of the group (i.e., “If you’re looking for a way to improve your marriage, sign up today for the Couples Small Group Connection on January 30th.”). By the way, carefully thinking through the degree of difficulty in promoting a kind of group that is gender specific with a sexual partner asterisk may force you back to the drawing board.

I really think this is an important conversation.  I hope you’ll come back tomorrow for a look at how Gateway Church in Austin looks at the issue of sexuality and small groups.  If you’re not signed up to get my updates, you can do that right here.

What do you think? What would you add or what would you say different? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

I remember a conference I went to in early 1992.  Really, looking back I can definitely say it was that conference that changed my direction in ministry.

Arriving at the conference I would have definitely described myself as a senior pastor.  Not long after leaving I knew I was a small groups guy.  And not so much a developer of leaders as a strategist and all about connecting as many as possible in groups where they could “grow in Christ, love one another and further the work of the Kingdom.”

At the conference, really as it began, the speaker asked a simple question.  “What questions are you asking?”  He went on to say that when he went to Francis Schaeffer’s L’Abri community in Switzerland he learned that participants at the event had to be asking a question.

I thought that was good idea.  And I thought about my question. Since then I’ve asked questions like, “Is it possible to launch new small groups without already having leaders?”  “Is it possible to connect 100% of your weekend attendance?”  “Is it possible to launch groups that are all about reaching friends and neighbors?”  “What’s the best way to reach the 60% of people who will never come to a church?”

What questions are you asking?  I’d love to know.  You can use the comment section to tell me!

Have you ever been stuck and couldn’t figure out what was keeping you from taking a next step or reaching a next level?  All of us are there at one point or another.

I had a comment on one of my articles this week that led to an email exchange with a small group director.  In the email she made this comment:

We seem to be stuck at the 50-60% mark and I’m not sure how to get past that.  Our groups usually meet for 6 weeks in the fall and 6 weeks beginning in February.

When I read that line I immediately formed a diagnosis.  You might have, too.  Here it is:

1. Whether you’re launching new groups or getting existing groups back together after the summer or after the holidays, it is essential to give them a curriculum to do next in about week 3 or 4 of a 6 week series.  Lyman Coleman said, 6 weeks is short enough for people to commit to and long enough for them to begin to build community.  I’ve found that one of the most important keys to building grouplife is to keep groups meeting beyond their first 6 weeks (in fact, it is one of the 5 Keys to Sustaining New Groups).
2. Although this might be a totally new philosophy, it is essential to begin thinking about the year…not just the next season.  My article, How to Build an Annual GroupLife Calendar provides some important help with this task.
3. You might want to look at the kind of curriculum you’re choosing.  It may be that choosing a similar topic every season is limiting your reach to the usual suspects.  If you want to connect new people, you’re going to have to try new things (How to Connect People No One Else Is Connecting).

Along with my diagnosis, I want to point out that 50 to 60% in groups is nothing to sneeze at.  It actually puts you in a pretty high category…if it’s based on real numbers.  To determine that, I think you have to use your adult attendance for Easter or Christmas Eve, which in most cases is larger than your average Sunday adult attendance.

Why do you need to use that number?  If you’re like most churches, it’s not the same group of adults every Sunday.  Depending on the kind of people you’re reaching, it might be that your average adult might only come 2 or 3 times a month.  That’s why you need to use Easter or Christmas Eve.  Those are services that nearly everyone attends at the same time.

Got a Question?

I love answering questions.  Got one?  Use the comment section or send me an email.  Your question is probably one that is shared by many other people.