My purpose at MarkHowellLive is to help pastors and small group champions build stronger small group ministries. Most of the articles here are about strategies that will help build what I call boundary-free small group ministries.

Within the knowledge base here are some important articles designed to help train small group leaders in key areas.  Here are 10 of what I believe are essential leader skills:

1. Top 10 Ways to Learn to Pray Together Since the number one fear for most people is public speaking…it just makes sense that praying out loud would be a challenge for the average adult.  Here are my top 10 ideas to help groups learn to pray together.
2. Help Leaders Choose Their Next Curriculum The hand-off from one study to the next is one of the most critical moments in the life of a group…especially a brand new small group.  Here’s how to make it easier.
3. Sub-Grouping for Deeper Connection Once a group grows beyond about 5 or 6 people it becomes a little too large for a conversation that includes everyone.  Here’s how to make it more likely that everyone gets involved.
4. Top 10 Ways to Find New Members Help your leaders help their members to learn to find and invite their own new members.
5. Equip Leaders to Help Members Plan to Grow If you want your members to grow, you’ll need to help your leaders learn to make the path more likely.  Here’s how to do it.
6. How to Stimulate Better Discussions Groups where the leader does all the talking are really just smaller versions of the weekend service.  Help everyone get engaged in the conversation with this training.
7. How to Use a Small Group Agreement One of the best ways to help groups navigate the choppy waters of group life is to have the anchor of an agreement.  Here’s how to implement one and what to do next.
8. Help Your Groups Make It Through Summer and the Holidays Few things derails a group like an extended break.  Teaching leaders what to do over the summer and surviving the holidays are two essential skills.
9. Implement the Power of a Spiritual Training Partner Accountability is tough to implement or take advantage of without intentionality.  Here’s how to get started.
10. Finding a Balance in Your Group Helping group leaders learn to balance the biblical purposes is what helps their group become more than a holy huddle.  This is not a purpose driven idea…it’s an essential skill for small group leaders.

As I look over the list today, I see some gaps where I’ll be writing upcoming skill training articles.  What do you wish I’d include?  I’d love your feedback.

Praying together at the end of a small group meeting is one of the real challenges for almost every small group.  The very common fear of public speaking (number #1 fear for many) is compounded by the unspoken belief held by many that it’s important to speak an unfamiliar dialect when praying (a thee and thou palooza).

What can a leader do (who may have their own struggle) to help members learn to pray together?  Here are my top 10 ideas:

1. Distribute index cards and pens and ask each person to write out a simple one sentence prayer request.  Swap cards and read them aloud.
2. Ask each person to fill in the blank and say one thing they’re thankful for:  “God, I’m thankful for my ______________,”
3. Pull a chair into the middle of the room and suggest that since Jesus said, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them (Matthew 18:20), “in tonight’s meeting let’s speak to Jesus as if He was right in that chair.
4. Sentence prayers with no conjunctions (and).  One idea only.  For example, “God help me with __________.”  “God I’m thankful for _______________.”  “God be with Dean tonight in a way he can sense.”
5. Ground rule: You can only pray for a personal concern tonight.  Nothing for your sister’s husband’s co-worker’s daughter.
6. Ask your members to pair up or get in groups of three. I’ve written much more about this idea in The Power of a Spiritual Training Partner.
7. Read Psalm 8 from a modern translation.  Move the group outdoors and ask each person to thank God for a specific aspect of nature.
8. Choose a verse about prayer (for example, Philippians 4:6-7).  Print it for each member.  Talk about each phrase.  Ask each member to complete the phrase: “I’m most anxious about ______________.”  Then, simply express it to God: “God, I’m anxious about _____________.  Thank you for being a God who cares.”
9. Many of the Psalms are actually prayers.  Have each member choose a section of a Psalm they can identify with to share as their own prayer.
10. Print copies of Psalm 61 (or a Psalm of your own choice) from The Message.  Have your members read it aloud together.

These are just a few ideas.  There are many, many more that will help leaders and members who struggle with this powerful aspect of group life.  Do you have one that’s worked for you?  Use the comments to share it with the rest of us!

Looking for other skill training ideas?  Click here for additional resources.

“What study should we do next?”  I don’t know about you…but I love hearing that question!  I love hearing it from any leader, but I especially love hearing it from a new leader.  When I hear it from a new leader, it means that their new group has made it through the critical first six weeks and is thirsty for more.

Here are some keys to helping leaders choose their next study:

For New Groups (the first 90 to 120 days)

There is a real difference between the needs of a new group and a seasoned group.  Here are some things to keep in mind for a new group:

• It’s almost always best to choose their second study for them.  Pick one out that is similar to what they used for their first study.  If they started with DVD-driven, go with that.  If it was a no-homework study, get one for them like that.  If they’re newer Christians, choose a study that will meet those needs.
• It’s never a good idea to vote for what’s next in a new group.  They don’t have their negotiating chops yet and a vote often results in a stall at a time when you really can’t afford it.  In addition, those whose choice didn’t get chosen will have a reason to be disappointed.  Don’t give them that.  Instead, choose the next study for them.
• If you’ve just started several new groups and they’re all getting ready to move to a new curriculum, you might want to have two or three studies for the leader to choose from.  The leader.  Not the group.  Make the studies available for them to look at in the lobby or even better, put them on a special page on your leader’s blog.  It can be a work-in-progress; adding studies to the list as you discover them.  Here’s a link to the Recommended Studies category on my leaders’ blog.

For Experienced Groups

Once a group has been together for longer than 90 to 120 days, they really are much more prepared to take next steps.  They’ve made it through an important hurdle and in many cases are ready for some change.  Here are some keys to help experienced groups choose their next curriculum:

• I love using the Purpose Driven Health Assessment as a way to help groups choose a next study.  You’ll find a downloadable copy right here.  Simply have all their members take the assessment.  Add up all their scores and divide by the number who’ve taken it.  You’ll be able to see where they’re already strong and where they need work.  If you’ve got a next step suggestion for each of the purposes…it really is a no-brainer.
• Do a little work building a recommended study catalog and making it available (either in the lobby, on the web, or both) to your leaders to look over.  If you’ve got the ability, make samples available for checkout and preview.
• Make it a practice that any study not on the recommended list must be approved by your small group pastor or director.  This helps in more than one way.  A Recommended List allows your pastor a little leverage that can guide groups toward studies that are appropriate.  Also, it gives an out when an inappropriate study is proposed.  What’s an inappropriate study?  A little work in advance makes that distinction.  It might be theological, but it might also be studies that require extensive leader preparation, that are about information (as opposed to application), or that are more suitable for a classroom environment.

“My group members don’t want to sub-group!”  “We’d really rather stay together.”  “We don’t want to miss out on what anyone says.”

If you’ve heard any of these lines (or said them yourselves), you’re normal.  If you’ve given into the temptation to stay in a circle of 12 (or anything larger than 3 or 4) for your entire meeting…you’re missing out on a key element of life-on-life ministry.  Why?  As tempting as staying together for the whole meeting might be, it fails to take into consideration the reality of the most dominant personalities.  Here’s what I mean:

In any group the most dominant personalities do 80 to 90% of the talking.  I like to say that the 5 most dominant personalities do 90% of the talking.  It’s just a fact of group life.  If you’ve got a group of 8, the 5 most dominant personalities do 90% of the talking.  If you’ve got a group of 12, the 5 most dominant personalities do 90% of the talking.  If you’ve got a group of 16…

What can you do about it?  You’re not really going to change the personalities of the more dominant members of your group.  That kind of change rarely happens.  But you can learn to sub-group for parts of the meeting.  When you take a group of 12 and sub-group into two groups of 6…you change the equation.  Now, each group of 6 is working with its own set of most dominant personalities.

How To Sub-Group

The key is to just do it.  Don’t take a vote.  No one votes to sub-group or split up during the meeting.  It’s too tempting to all be together.  Here’s how to get started with this important practice:

1. Arrange ahead of time for an additional facilitator (or 2 or 3 depending on how large your group is).
2. Figure out an easy way to try it the first time (could be, “Guys, we’re going to move into the dining room for questions 5 thru 8.  Gals, you stay here with Susan.”).  Important: Note how directive the instructions are.  Do not ask if the group wants to sub-group.
3. Next week, repeat step two.
4. After 2 or 3 sessions the group will grow accustomed to sub-grouping for parts of the meeting.  You’re now ready to switch it up a little.  Consider sub-grouping into groups of 2 or 3 for the prayer time.  This is actually a great step in the direction of establishing accountability partners.  Important: When you move in this direction it’s always a good practice to sub-group men with men and women with women. The intimacy established is very powerful and will often lead to problems if you aren’t careful.
5. When your group is used to sub-grouping, you might want to begin grouping more strategically.  If you’re considering birthing a new group, this is an opportunity to establish a more defined sense of community between members who may go with the new group.

Remember, the key is to just do it.  No one will be glad immediately.  Everyone will see the benefit after they’ve become accustomed to the practice.

Who makes the best new members for your group?  That’s easy.  Unconnected people with whom you are actively building a relationship.  Here are some ideas that will help you find new members:

1. Look for people who are already doing the same things you are.  If your kids are in High School, make it a point to get to know other parents.  If your kids are younger…make it a point to meet other parents as you check them in to Sunday School.  Whether you’re in a bunko group, on a softball team, do scrapbooking, or regularly watch your kids’ little league games…be on the lookout for people who are already doing the same things that you are.
2. If you sit in the same area at the same service every week, you’ll often begin to notice some of the same people.  Get in the habit of getting to know one or two new people every week.  In the “say hello to a few people around you” part of the service…make it a point to remember their names.  Write their name(s) down as soon as you sit down.  As the service ends tell them you’ll see them next week.
3. Take a few minutes in your next meeting to talk about who your members know that would be a good fit in your group.  It’s a good idea to talk through the Circles of Life handout (click here to download a copy). Sometimes all you need is something to jog your memory.
4. Plan a social get-together (potluck, cookout, theme dinner, chili cookoff, etc.) and invite unconnected friends over.   This is a great idea to schedule on a regular basis between studies.  The perfect way to get to know a few new people.
5. Volunteer to serve at your membership class.   Think about it.  Everyone at the class is taking a next step…the perfect time to join a small group.
6. Volunteer to serve as an usher or greeter.  You’ll see a lot of the same people.  Easy to be friendly and invite them to your group.
7. Volunteer to serve at the small group kiosk in your lobby.  You’ll have first crack at the people looking for a group!  How cool is that!
8. Volunteer to serve with…(see a pattern developing? almost any volunteer opportunity will put you in contact with unconnected people).
9. Make sure your group is absolutely, positively, up-to-date in the Small Group Finder.
10. What ideas do you have?  Take a moment and add your tips in the comment section below!

What are you training your coaches to do?  Have you trained them?  Or is it every man for himself?

I’ve found there are four key questions that every coach should be asking.  Here they are:

1. What is the best thing that happened in your group meeting this week? (Praise) Notice that it’s not a question about numbers.  It’s not a quantitative question.  It’s a qualitative question.  It encourages a conversation.  It’s a question that helps spark opportunities for the leader to be commended for their service.
2. What’s the worst thing that happened in your group meeting this week? (Problem) This question allows the leader to grumble a little; sharing the things that aren’t working.  This is a great opportunity for the coach to use diagnostic follow up questions or prompts like, “Why do you think that happened?” or “Tell me more about that.”
3. What are you going to do next? (Plan)  This question allows the leader to talk about next steps for their group or what they plan to do about what’s not working.  It’s not necessarily a time for the coach to be directive.  Instead, it encourages the leader to think out loud about what they should do.
4. How can I pray for you? (Prayer)  This is the key question among the key questions.  More than anything else, this question helps establish the coach as someone who genuinely cares about the leader, about their family, their job, their relationship with Christ, etc.

Keep in mind that actually listening is very important.  In fact, I recommend that every coach keep a simple journal with notes from their conversation.  Whether you have 3 groups or 10 groups it will pay off to be able to look at those notes before your next call or cup of coffee and refresh your memory!  I’ve also found it very helpful to keep post-it notes on my desk so that I can jot down prayer requests and have a visible reminder during the week.

Another really helpful practice is to call and follow up on things like health concerns, job interviews, and family challenges.  Paying attention to the concerns and challenges of your leaders speaks loud and clear about your genuine appreciation for them.

Finally, these four questions can also be used during huddle time at a leader’s meeting.  Here’s a downloadable copy of a form I use to generate discussion in the coach’s huddle time during a leader’s meeting.

I need to thank Brett Eastman for this idea.  His, along with Carl George, Lyman Coleman, Jim Dethmer and Bill Donahue, are some of the broad shoulders the rest of us stand on.

When you meet with a personal trainer one of the first things they ask you is what do you wish was different?  They may phrase it a lot of different ways, but essentially they’re asking, “Where do you see that you need to change in order to be healthy?”

What if you taught your leaders to have that same conversation with the members of their groups?  Think that would be a good conversation?  Think there would be some movement in the right direction?  Me too.  Here’s how to help your leaders become spiritual trainers.

1. If you haven’t done it yet, introduce your leaders to the Purpose Driven Life Health Assessment.  This is a dynamite tool.  It’s free.  And you don’t have to be purpose driven to really get a lot out of it.  Much like an annual physical, this can be used to get a snapshot of a person’s spiritual health.  10 minutes spent answering these 25 questions will do some very important things: (a) It will give your leaders a common language to describe how they’re doing spiritually, (b) it will provide a snapshot of spiritual health or balance, and (c) it will provide the basis for some very important goal-oriented thinking.
2. Once your leaders have completed the Health Assessment, have them total up their score in each of the 5 areas.  If you’re doing this in a leader training session you can have them circle up in groups of 3 or 4 and share where they’re strongest and where they’re weakest.  If this is an individual assignment you might have them talk it over with their coach in the next week.
3. The next step is to help your leaders see how to use the results from the Health Assessment to establish spiritual growth goals using the Purpose Driven Life Health Plan.  This is huge!  The assessment is gold but the Health Plan is where the really good stuff happens.  Taking what they’ve learned on the assessment and developing goals based on their strengths and weaknesses will help your leaders have a way of thinking about spiritual growth.  As you look at the Health Plan you’ll see that each of the 5 areas has a section for goals and some examples.  Each section also includes a key question.  Their answers provide the basis for a great conversation with their coach or a huddle of leaders.
4. Once your leaders have learned how to use the Health Assessment and Health Plan it is very easy to have each of them take the exercise to their own group.  This can provide a rich source of encouragement and challenge.  It will also give your members a way to talk about what is happening in their spiritual lives.
5. The health assessment can also be used by individual small groups to help choose curriculum.  Simply have members total up their individual scores and then see where they want to grow as a group.  This is also a great way to take a snapshot of a whole congregation, but that’s the subject of another skill training!

We talked about using a small group agreement in a recent article.  One of the reasons I recommend using an agreement in a group is that it provides an easy way to begin talking about two very important values in group life.  Rotating facilitators and host homes are two significant predictors of groups that thrive.  Why?  Groups that are dependent on a single leader and a single meeting location are always close to extinction.  All it takes is the transfer of the leader or a home remodeling project to knock out a group.  Much better to build the value of rotation into the mix.  Here’s how to do it:

• While it’s not a bad idea to hold the first 6 meetings at a single location, it’s a good idea within the first 6 meetings to encourage as many of your members as will to sign up to host a meeting at their house in the next study.  This actually has a great side benefit…it locks members into the follow up study.  Since it’s been found that 6 weeks is long enough to begin to feel a sense of connection, but it takes 12 weeks to more firmly cement the connection…being locked in is a good thing.
• Start by recruiting volunteers to provide refreshments in the very first study.  Simple is almost always better.  Chips and salsa, a dessert of some kind, coffee, tea, or soft drinks.  Be careful!  Every small group has at least one very good cook, someone who loves to wow the crowd with a full meal or a really exotic dessert buffet.  Again, simple is better.  Don’t let elaborate become the pattern or you’ll have trouble getting everyone involved.
• Many small group study guides have a calender built in and many small group calenders already include a column for refreshment sign-up.  If yours doesn’t, just make a simple calender with these columns: Date, Facilitator, Refreshments, Host Home.
• On the night that you begin talking about the next curriculum (usually about week 4 of a 6 week study) ask everyone to think about hosting a week in their home.  Whoever is hosting provides the refreshments (or in the alternative, the host gets a pass).
• Provide a simple guide to hosting the meeting.  Randall Neighbour has a helpful guide right here.  The basic idea is to take any guesswork out of the arrangement and make hosting simple.

The temptation for many small group leaders is to make it easy and do everything themselves.  Sometimes the leader feels bad asking for help.  Other times they don’t feel that their members are up to the task.  Because of this temptation, it is a great idea to make it a point to measure the percentage of groups that rotate host homes.  Making it a measurable helps you to track whether it’s happening and also helps your leaders see that you value it.

Ideas?  What are doing to encourage your groups to rotate host homes?

Reminder: Two of my core assumptions are (1) if I want to make it possible for everyone to be part of a group, I need to lower the bar for leaders (and raise the bar for coaches and coaching) and (2) part of lowering the bar for leaders is that I need to provide material that almost leads itself.  That said, here is how I train leaders to stimulate better discussions.

Five Keys to Stimulating Better Discussions

First, think ahead of time about where your members need to go…  You don’t need to spend a lot of time on this, but it does help to think about the individual needs of your members as you’re looking over the upcoming session.  Although this is a challenge in a newer group, it gets easier the longer a group has been together and the more you know about your members.  One way you can speed up the process is to have each of your members take the Purpose Driven Health Assessment and develop a Health Plan.

…and tailor the standard-issue questions in your upcoming session to fit the needs of your group.  Not as hard to do as it might seem.  Often it’s simply a matter of being aware of the needs of your members.

Second, learn to use guiding statements to keep the session headed in the right direction.  Guiding statements are simple modifications that can be dropped in right after the question.  For example:

• “Let’s each take 30 seconds to respond to this question.”
• “What one word summarizes your feelings.”
• “What does this verse say to you?  Boil your response down to one sentence.”
• “This is a good warm-up question.  How about 2 of you giving us your answer.”

Third, rephrase the question and ask it again.  If the discussion drifts off topic, it can be redirected by rephrasing and taking a second pass.

Fourth, use redirecting statements as necessary.  You may feel a little awkward, but your members will appreciate your help keeping things on topic.  For example:

• “That sounds like something we should discuss another time.”
• “Let’s keep working on this question.  We may have time for that one later.”

Fifth, recognize and celebrate each baby step along the way.  Affirm your members when they take a risk or make progress on the steps they need to take.  For example:

• “That’s great!  Thank you for sharing that.”
• “That is a really important step to share your feelings with the group!”
• “We’ve taken some steps as a group tonight.  I think all of us have acknowledged that we need to have a regular quiet time and we’re ready to give it a try.”

• “I can’t find enough leaders to take care of the number of people who want to be in a group.”
• “Many of the people with the most potential to lead are just sitting in groups as members and won’t leave to start a new group.”

Sound familiar?  Those are two of the most common complaints of small group pastors, directors and champions.  You might as well admit it…we’ve all made those observations at one time or another.  I was right there with you until I discovered the secret of priming the leadership pump.  Here’s what I do:

First, I begin training every group leader to rotate facilitators.  This little step seems innocent and really not a big deal, but it is huge.  By training group leaders to rotate facilitators you counteract one of the most common objections of potential leaders.  “I could never lead a discussion” is an objection that melts away once a member begins to take a turn leading now and then.

I actually begin talking about the importance of rotating leaders in the HOST or Leader orientation.  I have them pull out the Small Group Agreement, work my way through the agreement, and tell them how to make rotating facilitators happen right out of the gate.  “If you start your group by asking one other person to help you lead it, you’ll be way ahead.  That’s assignment #1 as you leave this orientation.  Think about who you’d most like to have in your group and ask them to help you co-lead the group.”

The next thing I train new leaders to do (once they’ve recruited a co-leader) is go over the Small Group Agreement with their group, talk about the value of rotating leaders (30 seconds), finish session one of their first study, and then have everyone turn to the small group calender (provided if their group isn’t using curriculum with a built-in calender).  One of the columns on the simple calender is a sign-up opportunity to take a turn facilitating the group.  When the leader asks if anyone would like to take a turn, the co-leader can be the first to say “yes.”  That often gets at least one other “yes.”

An obvious requirement: In order to pull this off you’ve got to be using curriculum that makes it easy to lead.  DVD-Driven is a great choice.  You’ll find some good possibilities right here.  The key is to choose curriculum that has a just-add-water format that emphasizes discussion and downplays the importance of teaching a concept.  Look for transformation, not information acquisition.

The second thing I do is downplay the birthing idea.  I do like the idea of apprentice leaders and groups that birth.  I’ve just found that in practicality it rarely works.  Better to celebrate groups that develop rotating leaders and are becoming what Brett Eastman calls a “crockpot of leadership development.”

The third thing I do is create regular opportunities for groups to take a vacation and help start new groups.  I’ve written about how to build in the idea of a small group vacation into your annual calender right here.  Essentially, all you’re doing is leveraging an annual church-wide campaign to ask existing groups to consider not meeting for the six weeks of the campaign and instead, step out and help launch some new groups.

By building these three elements into your system you’ll be able to overcome the two biggest complaints of small group point people and raise up a nearly unlimited number of small group leaders.