I've been at this community building thing a long time. A very long time. Learning about community and more importantly, building our own. The response of our community played a very important role in our world after the death of our son and again after the passing of my mother-in-law. See also, This Is Why We Need Community.

For a variety of reasons the need for community is more desperate today than ever before. Before the coronavirus was a thing, broken families, job transfers that take people far from family and friends, concerns about safety and fear of strangers, and settling for entertainment all play a part in the need for community and a sense of family.

The top 7 things I've learned about authentic community:

1. The desire to belong is innate.

We come prewired with the desire to belong. It's not cultural, it's not contextual and it's not learned. According to Abraham Maslow, belonging is a higher felt need than becoming or impacting. Belongingness is what makes the current loneliness epidemic a real thing and just as scary as the coronavirus.

We come prewired with the desire to belong. It's not cultural, it's not contextual and it's not learned. According to Abraham Maslow, belonging is a higher felt need than becoming or impacting. Belongingness is what makes the current… Share on X

See also, Would You Rather: Connect More People or Make More Disciples?

2. The desire to belong is not equally obvious to everyone.

Upon finding authentic community, many people describe sensing that something was missing but not knowing what it was. Like a baby not being able to explain hunger or a teenager's inability to explain what they're feeling, many adults sense an incompleteness and can't put their finger on what is missing.

Upon finding authentic community, many people describe sensing that something was missing but not knowing what it was. Like a baby not being able to explain hunger or a teenager's inability to explain what they're feeling, many adults… Share on X

See also, 5 Ingredients that Build Pervasive Community in Your Church.

3. The desire to be known is very powerful.

In some ways, the desire to be known is a precursor to belonging. Remembering names and points of connection is an overwhelming strength against which there is no defense. Imagine if everyone on your guest services team (ushers, greeters, parking team, etc.) simply learned one name every week!

In some ways, the desire to be known is a precursor to belonging. Remembering names and points of connection is an overwhelming strength against which there is no defense. Imagine if everyone on your guest services team (ushers,… Share on X

4. Unconnected people are always one tough thing away from never being at your church again.

The loss of a job. A failing marriage. A serious illness. A troubled teen. Without community, it is always easier to simply disappear when the hard things in life appear.

Unconnected people are always one tough thing away from never being at your church again. The loss of a job. A failing marriage. A serious illness. A troubled teen. Without community, it is always easier to simply disappear when the… Share on X

See also, What's Your Urgency Level for Connecting People?

5. It is very common for people to feel more connected than ever before after a simple 75 minute connecting event.

Many of the people in your church have never felt like anything other than a face in the crowd. Many of the people who attend your church drive into the parking lot, walk into your auditorium, sit for 75 minutes and leave without ever talking to anyone.

Imagine what that feels like. Meditate on the sense of loneliness experienced by unconnected people sitting in a crowded row in your auditorium. To sit alone when it seems everyone else is known and loved and missed when they are not there.

Our ability to feel what others feel is the beginning of the impetus to make them whole, some for the first time in a long time. Some for the first time in their life.

Our ability to feel what others feel is the beginning of the impetus to make them whole, some for the first time in a long time. Some for the first time in their life. Share on X

See also, How to Connect People Using a Small Group Connection.

6. True community is built over time and in between.

Small groups that only connect from 7 to 9 p.m. on 2nd and 4th Thursdays cannot expect to build true community. True community is what happens between meetings that plays the most important role in creating and cementing community.

7. Jesus understood the very important human need of belonging.

He invited his closest followers to belong (to be with him) before he invited them to become anything.

Jesus understood the very important human need of belonging. He invited his closest followers to belong (to be with him) before he invited them to become anything. Share on X

See also, Moving from "Come and See" to "Come and Die" and Even a Lizard Can Respond to "Come and See".